Daveed Reviews

Does Time Make the Past Better? (Darkness Rating 1 out of 10)

When I was a kid, we used to eat Sue Bee Honey on everything. If my mom would have let us, my brother and I would have used it as a condiment on our tofu burgers.

Sue Bee honey used to on the shelf at every Eagles and Piggly Wiggly we would shop, whether to stock the cubboards at home or fill the old Coleman cooler on a camping trip. I can't remember the last time I saw a tub available for sale, and I make a point to look every time I get more PB (Jiff, extra crunchy!)

A freshly bought tub of Sue Bee was generally a little frustrating, because it had the spreadability of a slice of refrigerated butter. This was problematic, because our bread of choice was Wonder Bread and Wonder Bread was only good if it was staright out of the bag, untoasted. The thick, coagulated honey would actually tear the soft bread as we tried to smear it. "Why didn't you nuke it, bro?" I can hear you axing. Dude, we're talking about the freaking 70s here, when music came on black circles made of vinyl, TVs had dials that you had to stand up and twist by hand to change channels, and the video game that had us mesmerized was called "Pong". No, nuking wasn't an option for us until the early 80s.

These kids are sitting waay too close to the TV and are likely blind today as a result.

Sue Bee was at her best on camping trips. Put the container in the rear window and let the sun do what microwaves do today, and you've got Ritz Cracker dip. UM-MUM, good cracker. I have no idea how many Ritz Crackers slathered with Sue Bee Andrew and I consumed in the back of the Plymouth Duster or the Ford Fiesta we would load up and take to the Rockies, but I bet we kept Andy Griffith and the Sioux nation in the black.

I'm, not sure why I haven't seen Sue Bee on the shelf at my local Tom Thumb. Which is pobably for the better, since the last thing I want to do is buy some and swipe it on a Ritz, only to find out that Sue Bee isn't as hot as I used to think she was.

Which got me wondering: How many other things that we thought were great as kids actually suck now? Did they suck all along, and we were just too niave to know better, or did it rule way back when but just got rusty with age? Where do these items of childhood greatness rank today?

Bubble Yum

Hungry Man TV Dinners

Bay City Rollers

BJ and the Bear

Johnny Quest

Kool-Aid

Kool Aid popsicles (made by pouring cherry or grape Kool-Aid into an ice cube tray, covered with plastic wrap and thespeared with toothpicks. The plastic wrap held the tooth picks in place while the Kool-Aid froze)

Home made Ice Cream

G.I. Joe and Big Jim dolls

Lee Majors and the 6 Million Dollar Man

Hot Farrah Fawcett

Dukes of Hazard

Fogg Hat and Slo Ride

Kiss

Sambo's

posted by daveed @ 11.4.06